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This is the first Dumb Laws edition. Full disclosure: this is one of my favorite versions of the poll because I don’t need to make stuff up and hope it’s funny … the law does it for me. Special thanks to this Dumb Laws website for providing an endless stream of hilariously and apparently true material.
As always, this is meaningless because I’m not on the CFB Playoff Committee, so don’t get worked up about it. I’ll try to answer on Twitter in the event anyone actually is bothered enough to ask a question. And again, name calling and meanness will not be responded to. Nee ner.
1. Florida State: Doors of all public buildings must open outward. I’m not entirely sure whom you fine if this gets messed up. The tenant? The contractor? Will Muschamp?
2. Oregon: Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car. Which at some point, means this happened.
3. LSU: Rituals that involve ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are illegal. See, you CAN try to legislate common sense.
4. Oklahoma: Whaling is illegal in state. Which is good to know, since on vacation here in two months, I was totally considering trying out whaling and obviously Oklahoma would be a great place to do that, you’d think.
5. Texas A&M: It is illegal to sell one’s eye. So if you find yourself needing a few extra bucks for one of those drive thru margaritas, keep searching the cushions, because gouging out your eye for the change will land you in jail.
6. Alabama: Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. Or unless you want indigestion and stomach pain, ordered for dinner.
7. Notre Dame: It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. On the upside, it’s Indiana, so … I mean … in like, Texas, Georgia, or California, this would be totally and completely unfair.
8. Auburn: Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. No word on whether or not they can be wiped, flicked with a strong wind at your back, or how they rule boogers flicked out the window of your car with the wind at your back, which technically isn’t into the wind but is sort of because you’re driving a car and thus the boogers are being thrown back as if they are being flicked into the wind. Vexing law, I tell you.
9. BYU: It is illegal to fish by horseback. No word on whether or not a horse is allowed to catch fish on its own.
10. UCLA: Animals are banned from mating publicly within a 1,500-mile radius from a tavern, school, or place of worship. I’m not entirely sure how one goes about enforcing this. Nor am I in a hurry to find out.
11. Michigan State
12. Ole Miss
13. Arizona State
15. Kansas State
16. South Carolina
18. West Virginia