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Well hello there, college football. Like your buddy that’s always fashionably late, almost to the point of annoyance, but always brings a few growlers to the party … the Saturday excitement level has been roughly “drywall repair” over the first five weeks, but that all changed this weekend.
Things happened, and a lot of them.
Suddenly, the season went from Rosanne Barr to Stacey Dash in one weekend. No one’s complaining, even if your team lost. Well, maybe you are, but look, people complained when Christ would go in a room and heal the infirm right then and there. People will always find a way to complain about something.
This week is full of lemon shake-up. Arizona and Texas Christian might look high, but hell, I do this odd thing called “pay attention to the results of the games,” and right now no one has a skin on the wall like Arizona. Ole Miss, I’ve been pumping since summer, so I’ll take the rare moments when I’m right and run with them.
This is the “famous actresses by state” edition. Just because …
1. Florida State: Leighton Meester. Only thing I’ve ever seen her in is the truly horrid “Drive Thru,” arguably the worst excuse for a horror movie of all time. But she’s awfully pretty. And I realize she was born in Texas but grew up in Florida — I just wanted to be the only person to ever put Leighton Meester in a football column.
2. Auburn: Courteney Cox. Rarely do I or anyone else ever spell her first name right, I think.
3. Arizona: Minka Kelly. Would love an informal poll from everyone in-state right now of whom they’d rather have dinner with … Rich Rod or Kelly. We’ll find out real quick how popular that Oregon win was in the grand scheme of things.
4. Ole Miss: Lacey Chabert. She was in Mean Girls, which means she knew Lindsey Lohan back when she was a normal human being. The stories she must be able to tell …
5. Notre Dame: Vivica A. Fox. Still the greatest actress name in history. Although “Butterfly McQueen” is solid as well.
6. Mississippi State: Brandy Norwood. I only watch horror movies, and she was in the really terrible “I Know What You Did Last Summer” series. A black mark on horror forever.
7. TCU: If you casually look up the topic “most popular actresses by state,” Selena Gomez comes up for Texas. There are no words to describe how horrible that is.
8. Baylor: And then you’ve got Jennifer Love Hewitt … who should never be behind Selena Gomez in anything related to acting. Or anything else.
9. Oregon: Bridgette Wilson. “Billy Madison.” Enough said.
10. Michigan State: Kristen Bell. Which totally disproves the theory that B1G games are just full of women in hooded sweatshirts and sweats who are unsightly. Bell could wear a dress made of Spam and it’d be a-okay.
15. Ohio State
16. Oklahoma State
17. Kansas State
21. Arizona State
22. West Virginia
23. Georgia Tech
24. Texas A&M