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In the event you have nothing to do Saturday, or even if you do, and want to watch football (and by God, who doesn’t want to watch football?), this weekend is a doozy. There are a whopping five games featuring ranked teams playing ranked teams, which means pretty much one thing: conference season begins in earnest. I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen under the guise of telling you pretty much what is not going to happen.
Essentially: don’t use this column to bet on anything. It’s pure slinging at the wall.
Alabama @ Georgia
The Tide have had two weeks to hear about how some dynasty none of them were actually a part of is crumbling, all because of them. It’s like the NCAA punishing the current players on a team for the transgressions of those that played in the pa … wait, forget it.
It’s like if one of your girlfriends kept bringing up stuff from before you guys met and … wait, forget it.
Here’s the skinny: while the Tide seem to be teetering on the edge of “below mediocre” on offense, and the defense suddenly isn’t able to step up all of the time, Georgia isn’t the style of team that plays out of their hands. Ole Miss deserved to win against Alabama, but the Rebels needed some flukey plays to do so. UGA doesn’t run the quarterback-dancing, hyper-fast offense that makes Nick Saban want to eat puppies. The Tide win by two possessions, I reckon.
Winner: Alabama
Notre Dame @ Clemson
Look, I love what Notre Dame is doing as much as the next guy. If ND can be a charming underdog, somehow the Irish are just that, considering their team is the ICU and guys you had never heard of two months ago keep stepping up. The problem is that Death Valley isn’t called Death Valley because it’s like the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese. Granted, it probably has less disease than the ball pit, but I digress.
This is an immense test for an Irish team with young pieces, and even though Clemson’s D is also rife with youth, Deshaun Watson is too good. The Tigs will get it going, knocking the Irish from the ranks of the unbeaten.
Winner: Clemson
West Virginia @ Oklahoma
Lincoln Riley was probably teetering on the edge of someone calling him Joey Freshwater in a Reddit thread about midway through the second half at Tennessee, but the Sooners picked up their bootstraps, won, and haven’t really looked back. Granted, they haven’t had a reason to look back, but still.
WVU feels like a relatively unknown team. The Mountaineers could be really darn good, or really darn “on the cusp of being really darn good, but still in need of a few bumps along the way to get them seasoned in disappointment.” I have nothing to go on except for having watched Oklahoma respond in a tough spot against Tennessee, so I’ll take the Sooners. Body language during rough times, and all.
Winner: Oklahoma
Ole Miss @ Florida
Aside from the caretakers of the Swamp, I think I’ll be the only one riding Florida in this one. When you win at Alabama, that’s like being an actual med student in a bar on Saturday night. Your perception to everyone (well, women) around you goes through the roof, even past the obvious hints of male pattern baldness creeping in.
I liked Florida’s moxie, though, in beating Tennessee. The Gators have a look about them that they might have a few too many, but you’ll need an iron bar stool to totally knock them out. I like Will Grier. He responded well. Plus, Ole Miss likes to sling it around the park, and that’s where Florida is the strongest, defending the pass in the secondary. Strength versus strength. Man, if I’m right on these upsets, it’ll be a fever pitch in Gainesville deep into Sunday morning.
Winner: Florida
Mississippi State @ Texas A&M
This one probably has the least sex appeal of the five instances of ranked-on-ranked-crime action. Unless you like maroon. Then, oh my, you cannot stand the fact that it’s only Thursday and this thing still has 48 hours before coming to reality. This past weekend, both teams skated by opponents who were supposed to be a lot better two months ago than they turned out to be.
My affinity for Texas A&M this year isn’t going to allow me to pick the Starkville version of maroon. Christian Kirk is as close to Bacardi 151 as there is in college this season, and Kyle Allen has asserted himself as a solid crunch-time performer. Dan Mullen and friends won’t be as generous or sloppy as Bret Bielema’s bunch, but it really won’t have to be. The Aggies win comfortably.
Winner: Texas A&M
