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Halloween is the greatest holiday. There’s no point in trying to say otherwise. If you don’t like Halloween, I’m not sure you like puppies, hugs, free money, 75 degrees and sunny, and Samuel Adams beer.
With Halloween always comes the fake haunted houses that are open for a few weeks annually. Granted, they’re not near as fun as real haunted houses, but at any rate, there’s always some portion of the fake haunted houses that feature some pitch black maze where you may or may not be being chased by someone, grabbed by someone else, and you’re always running into walls.
At this point, the haunted house can just call that the “Maryland football” portion of the event. Coaching departures for the program have bordered on the absurd, the walking into a pitch black room trying to find your way out. It started first with Ralph Friedgen and the “We’re done … no, we can work things out … no, we’re done even though you worked on the stuff I said we needed to work out” relationship before the leaked to-be-firing of Randy Edsall before actually firing him.
If there’s a blueprint on how to not handle firing someone, Maryland seems to have copyrighted the drawing.
It’s hard to tell how good of a job Maryland is. The potential is there, especially with that Under Armour loot that will continue to come in and grow larger, recently surpassing Adidas as the second largest grossing sports apparel dealer in the world (behind Nike).
That said, the Big Ten West is set up for a long time to come, with Urban Meyer, Jim Harbaugh, and Mark Dantonio operating programs at dominance-level proficiency. Couple that with how the Terps have handled their recent coaching changes, and you wonder how much confidence in the process any new coach would have.
Someone will coach Maryland football next year. The question is who, and here are a few categories you can expect them to be looking to.
The Utopian Candidate
This guy has experience running a major program and doing it successfully. It doesn’t mean he comes in and wins 10 games, but you don’t have to worry if he knows what he’s doing with the ancillary off-field stuff. It’s a splashy hire of sorts, capable of turning headlines and heads. All guys would be considered hard pressed to even pick up the phone.
Examples Maryland might phone up: Rich Rodriguez, Arizona; Mike Leach, Washington State; Bryan Harsin, Boise State; Bret Bielema, Arkansas; Paul Johnson, Georgia Tech; Todd Graham, Arizona State.
The Up and Coming Mid Major
This is the area Maryland is most likely to find fruitful, the young coaches not experienced at running a massive operation like Maryland, but certainly on the radar as deserving a chance at the next level. Someone will give them that shot.
Examples Maryland might phone up: P.J. Fleck, Western Michigan; Pete Lembo, Ball State; Matt Rhule, Temple; Justin Fuente, Memphis; Jeff Brohm, Western Kentucky; Tom Herman, Houston.
The Retread
These are coaches who have had success somewhere else, but were shown the door for whatever (non violating-ish) reason and might just need new tires to kick to get that old fire back. They might not stay long due to age or ambition, but the potential wins are worth it.
Examples Maryland might phone up: Greg Schiano; Mack Brown; Will Muschamp, Auburn; Lane Kiffin, Alabama; Bo Pelini, Youngstown State.
The hotshot coordinator
There is risk with guys like this, because you never know if they can handle the everyday operation of being the face of a program. If everyone else says, “nah, I’m cool,” it’s worth kicking the tires on one just because of the potential upside. The downside? Obviously, they might leave as soon as their star rises.
Examples Maryland might phone up: D.J. Durkin, Michigan; Brent Venables, Clemson; Mike Norvell, Arizona State; Justin Wilcox, Southern California; Dave Aranda, Wisconsin.
The obligatory NFL names
The category seems to explain it pretty well. These are guys who might try their hand in college because the opportunity is enticing plus they have a mentality that might work better for college programs.
Examples Maryland might phone up: Jim Schwartz, Buffalo Bills (born in Baltimore); Frank Reich, San Diego Chargers (Maryland alum); Pep Hamilton, Indianapolis Colts; Marc Trestman, Baltimore Ravens.
