Your weekly college football ramblings from yours truly, which basically is code for, “none of these are worth a full article, but I still need to complain about them.”
Enjoy. We’re adding a “beer of the week,” just in the event people get through it all and want some sort of reward for suffering through.
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1. College football needs to change its overtime rules, ASAP.
Maybe I haven’t been paying attention until this weekend when it seemed like every other play in Michigan’s double OT win over Indiana, someone was going down with some variety of injury, but it’s probably time to address this.
Extra points are breasts on a bull. The NFL finally got around to realizing this and instituted the longer extra point, which has made games appreciably more interesting and at the same time placed more emphasis on not having a sucky kicker. For CFB, I’d like to see the sport go to the mandatory two-point conversion after the first OT. You have a higher probability of the final score coming earlier in the OT, which would lead to fewer injuries when dudes are worn out mentally and physically and things get sloppy.
Actually, I’d advocate going to the NFL’s extra point rules, but #CollegeKickers are as consistent as Hillary Clinton’s stances on issues, which is, to say, wherever the wind is blowing that day.
2. As we enter the CFB Playoff home stretch, PLEASE, don’t use the, “Vegas says Team X would be favored” as an argument point. It’s stupid.
Using pretend Las Vegas odds to determine who “should” be in the playoffs — or at least using that approach to support various arguments — needs to be thrown out with the leftovers in the back of your fridge you (for some reason) feel really bad about tossing. Vegas odds are made not as predictors of who would win, but to get people to bet (hopefully, with their hearts, because no style of betting is more idiotic yet easy to do).
I’m attempting to think of a worse form of logic used in sports arguments, but it’s failing me. Well, maybe the, “these teams are better than years past because heck, they played with leather helmets then.” Can you imagine football with leather helmets now? Wide receivers act like they’ve been shot with a Medieval cannon if they get arm-barred on a deep fly route these days.
3. Miami is the latest to be swindled by the “Coaching Search Firm.”
Outsourcing everything is all the rage these days, but while in some cases it makes sense (at this point, companies seem to be outsourcing everything but the ability to go to the bathroom), it doesn’t in others.
The U announced it’ll have about a $3 million budget for the coach hire. This may be some serious Bernie Sanders stuff by me, but isn’t there a better use of $3 million than for this, let alone hiring a group of people to do your job for you? Especially when you’re enlisting the help of former alums.
I’ll never understand how fast and loose folks can be with money. You try going to your boss tomorrow and saying, “I need some money to hire this group of people to do part of my job for me” and see how that goes. If it works, apply at Korn Ferry.
4. BERT is back!
For the most part, Bret Bielema has been nice to his SEC cohorts in his time there. Getting paddled a bunch in conference probably has a bit to do with it, but he’s slung the majority of his verbal poo across the aisle at the Big Ten or other conferences. Now, with a few wins in the belt, college football’s Donald Trump is back.
Bielema remarked Monday with the media that he was glad the score remained 31-14 against LSU so folks that didn’t watch the game knew it was a whooping. Bielema has officially one-upped Les Miles in the “What the hell is he going to say this week?” category, SEC style. All that’s left is to find out that Bielema eats chipped paint off the hand rails in the bleachers when he enters a stadium, a la Miles with grass.
One Bonus Thought
Look, I’m all about all you can eat stuff, but you can’t seriously think part of the rules are “I get to include my friends, too.” Restaurants have to own their own crazy too. I’ve seen a dude get belligerent and kicked out of a restaurant for abusing the “all you can eat chicken wings” deal and all he wanted to do was keep eating. That’s in the rules. Giving to friends is not. So this lady deserved to be handled when violating the agreement of food and humans at an Illinois Denny’s. That’s like having a membership to the local country club and bringing people on and getting all chapped when the golf pro says your buddy has to pay. C’mon, people. Don’t violate the agreement of food and humans.
Beer of the Week
Rogue Mocha Porter
