Bowl season starts in four days. Absent the annual kvetching of people who will be dying for any kind of football come June and July about how there are too many bowl games (there is no such thing as too many bowl games), one of the other annual rites of this time of year is seeing bowl games pop up with odd sponsors and saying, “what the heck even is that?”
Good news: this column will tell you, even when the writer really doesn’t have any idea after doing the research. What the heck is a Bitcoin, anyway? At any rate, here we go. Consider this free education on a completely useless topic. In the order they will appear on your picture box screen …
Gildan New Mexico Bowl: Arizona vs. New Mexico
Gildan apparently is a Canadian active wear that is undecorated and are apparently logo’d by screen printing companies after the clothes are made. Brands under licensing agreements are apparently such well known stuff like Mossy Oak and Under Armour. They recycle or repurpose 90 percent of their waste. Still, a Canadian active wear company sponsoring a New Mexico event? Giddy up.
Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl: Utah vs. BYU
The Holy War in the City of Sin is only apropos, made even more logical by the fact that it’s sponsored by a company that makes automotive lubricants. There’s a lot to digest in that sentence, so I’m going to go ahead and just exit stage left now on this one.
AutoNation Cure Bowl: Georgia State vs. San Jose State
The most philanthropic bowl without question, with proceeds going to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, it’s also one of the most non “what the heck is that sponsor?” games. Everyone knows of AutoNation.
R + L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Arkansas State vs. Louisiana Tech
Shipping logistics company, including by ocean and of hazardous materials. So, if you need to send something to Madagascar by Maritime vessel, these are your guys in that highly likely scenario.
Miami Beach Bowl: South Florida vs. Western Kentucky
Near as I can tell, this one doesn’t actually have a title sponsor. I like the old school nature of that. If you don’t know what Miami Beach is, well, then I don’t know.
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Akron vs. Utah State
This one, too, is self explanatory. But did you know that the potato is 80 percent water, 20 percent solid? Or that it was the first vegetable grown in outer space? Come for the college football. Stay for the education.
Marmot Boca Raton Bowl: Temple vs. Toledo
It’s an outdoor clothing and equipment company, but I bet you didn’t know it is named after “highly social, large ground squirrels” that live near mountains. If you did know that, pat yourself on the back.
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia: Boise State vs. Northern Illinois
I mean, it’s a credit union. It was voted as a Best Place to Work in San Diego for the sixth year in a row and carries the slogan, “Feel the Teal.” That’s real, man.
Go Daddy: Bowling Green vs. Georgia Southern
It is a web domain hosting company that most people know of by now either because they’re so large. There’s not really anything overly interesting to add, to be honest.
Popeye’s Bahama: Middle Tennessee vs. Western Michigan
I can think of very few things better than eating delicious Popeye’s chicken and fries in the Bahamas. Everyone knows what Popeye’s is, and that’s because it’s so darned excellent.
Hawaii: Cincinnati vs. San Diego State
Hawaii is a state in the Pacific Ocean. It is the only state that grows coffee and one third of the world’s commercial pineapple supply comes from the state. Just in case you’re ever in a restaurant about to approach an attractive woman with a “if I give you some unique Hawaii facts, are you more or less inclined to go out with me?” and she says “more.”
St. Petersburg: Marshall vs. UConn
The city is actually named after the St. Petersburg in Russia and holds the record for most consecutive days of sunshine at 768.
Hyundai Sun: Miami vs. Washington State
Hyundai vehicles are sold in 193 nations across the world. No word as to whether or not the Martians are using them.
Zaxby’s Heart of Dallas: Southern Miss vs. Washington
Having never actually seen a Zaxby’s, I assume they exist somewhere. The company was birthed into idea when the co-founders were hooping outside lamenting about how none of the local chicken joints had any personality to them. Interesting, if nothing else.
New Era Pinstripe: Duke vs. Indiana
Want a trivia question to stump your bar buddies with? Who was the first MLB team to don the New Era caps in 1934? Your answer is the Cleveland Indians. Bet someone a beer on it.
Camping World Independence: Tulsa vs. Virginia Tech
Based out of Bowling Green, Ky., they’re the world’s largest RV and RV accessories company. Frank Beamer should totally hit them up for one so right after the game, he can ride off into the sunset in an RV nicer than most people’s homes.
Foster Farms: Nebraska vs. UCLA
FF raises chickens humanely without the use of antibiotics for growth or feed efficiency. More interestingly, the couple that started it literally had nothing back in 1939 when they gave it a shot, and the husband of the couple, Max Foster, was working a newspaper gig that he got to quit after they realized they could make serious bank raising fowl.
Military Bowl presented by Northrup Grumman: Navy vs. Pittsburgh
As is apropos considering the bowl game, NG is a global security company. As of this year, they’ll be making Global Hawk unmanned aircraft systems for the Republic of Korea.
Quick Lane: Central Michigan vs. Minnesota
QL is apparently an auto care place, which continues the theme of bowl games being sponsored by stuff related to the automotive industry.
Lockheed Martin Armed Forces: Air Force vs. California
LM, an aerospace, security, and advanced technologies company, is the largest defense contractor in the world. So there you have it.
Russell Athletic: Baylor vs. North Carolina
Also founded in Bowling Green (seriously, BG has to be the only town where multiple bowl sponsors have founded companies), RA sponsors four FBS teams. Two of them didn’t make a bowl game: Ohio and Georgia Tech.
Nova Home Loans Arizona: Colorado State vs. Nevada
Sigh.
AdvoCare V100 Texas: LSU vs. Texas Tech
It’s a multi level marketing deal for health care items. Which seems to be a pretty slick way of saying “pyramid scheme-ish.” Either way, they got in some hot sauce for marketing a caffeine product to youths a little while back.
Birmingham: Auburn vs. Memphis
Birmingham is the only place in the world where all the elements of making iron are located within a 10 mile radius: coal, iron ore, and limestone. Boom.
Belk: Mississippi State vs. NC State
Apparently Belk is an upscale clothier. I’ve never seen one. Do they sell hoodies and sweatpants?
Franklin American Mortgage Music City: Louisville vs. Texas A&M
Sigh, again.
National University Holiday: USC vs. Wisconsin
NU is the 12th largest private, non-profit university in the nation. Hats off to you if you knew that and didn’t work there.
Chick-fil-A Peach: Florida State vs. Houston
Chick-fil-A is the greatest fast food restaurant going, and they offer chicken sandwiches and funny commercials with cows. Everything about them is great. Can I please have free nuggets?
CFP Playoff Semifinal-Capital One Orange: Clemson vs. Oklahoma
Sponsor of the mascot bowl, Capital One reportedly doles out about $35 million annually for advertising and access to consumer info, which just sounds really terrifying at face value without any nuance.
CFP Playoff Semifinal-Goodyear Cotton: Alabama vs. Michigan State
In the event you need repairs on your truck or a bank loan but don’t know where to go, the bowl season is for you.
Outback: Northwestern vs. Tennessee
This is without question the most important bowl game of the season. I will be all in on whoever is the team that will gain me the free Bloomin’ Onion.
Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus: Michigan vs. Florida
If you haven’t had yourself some bourbon honey mustard wings, you’re not living your life to the fullest extent you can. Go find your nearest B-Dubs. I don’t care if you’re in Uzbekistan. Find the nearest one.
BattleFrog Fiesta: Ohio State vs. Notre Dame
This is genuinely one of the cooler sponsors to learn about in doing this piece. It’s a series of obstacle courses across the country, and if that sounds odd, cool, do read about it here: LINK
Rose Bowl Presented by Northwestern Mutual: Iowa vs. Stanford
Northwestern mutually agrees with itself that it should be here rather than Iowa.
Allstate Sugar: Ole Miss vs. Oklahoma State
Since everyone knows Allstate, they need to just invite the guy with the low, deep voice to call the third quarter. Preferably with Gus Johnson. That’d be a duo worth listening to.
TaxSlayer: Georgia vs. Penn State
It sounds crazy to say, but way back when in 1989, what TaxSlayer did to allow folks to file their tax returns on the computer machine was revolutionary. Born in Augusta, Ga., odds suggest the company wants the Bulldogs to win.
AutoZone Liberty: Arkansas vs. Kansas State
After you go to Goodyear and get new tires, but before you go to quick lane to get your oil changed, you can compare your AutoZone shocks to the ones you might get at AutoNation and take out a loan from … oh, pick one.
Valero Alamo: TCU vs. Oregon
Valero pumps out about 3 billion barrels of oil a day worldwide. That’s a lot of oil.
Motel 6 Cactus: Arizona State vs. West Virginia
Motel 6 got its name from it’s $6 fee to stay there back when it opened in 1962. So now you know. Take that, Super 8.
CFP National Championship Presented by AT&T: TBD vs. TBD
AT&T is better than Comcast. That’s really all you need to know about them. Which is like saying, “thanks for making dinner. This tastes a lot better than garbage!”
